real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
