census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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