idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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