fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
