Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
