apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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