He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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