Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
