Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
