I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
