WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
