At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
