Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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