new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
