i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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