So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
