Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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