he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
