the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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