this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
