it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
