There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
