11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
