He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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