I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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