Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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