i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
