well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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