So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
