I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
