there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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