and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
