i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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