it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
