His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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