dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
