Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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