my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
