I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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