he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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