So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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