I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
