Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
