alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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