Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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