don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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