I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
