No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
