The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
