Michael Bay diarrhea
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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