When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
