mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
