How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
