I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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