What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
