wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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