She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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