people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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