I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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