to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
