I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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