Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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