Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My bed smells like the plague
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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