i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have tasted many bathrooms
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
