trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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