I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
