my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize