I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
