Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
