I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Enjoy the penises
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize