I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
