then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
