i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
