I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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