someone owes me an orgasm
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I came so hard my ears popped.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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