I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
